:l This has been a lovely week of friendship:

1. Question a friend on why she said something. Be told that since I ‘over think things’ and that she didn’t have to answer to me, I was dismissed. Awesome best friend.

2. Had a second person back up the first person and then try to pull the conversation away and make it all about skin gradient and not about the commentary the friend had made. Awesome. I can’t control the color of my skin and my racial background. Sweet. Even though I’m a mixture of PoC, it doesn’t matter. I’m not dark, thus I am ~white passing~, which had nothing to do with the topic at hand. Amazing.

3. Friend asks if I’m going to drive down. I’m honest and tell him the truth: I can’t drive down weekly. Unless someone helped me out, I just can’t afford it because I live on this magical thing called a budget. I don’t have fucking time to send my ass back home because people can’t handle me not being there for one weekend. Get told I was being ~subtle~ when I was clearly not trying to be. If I was being subtle I wouldn’t take an elephant gun to shoot a soda can. 

Summary of this week: Don’t question people because they’ll dismiss you. Which they can go fuck themselves with because that’s fucked up, especially if you’re my best friend. You’ll have to deal with the back up person because the first person doesn’t want to take responsibility for their own actions. When that’s done,  don’t bother being honest with someone because they think you just want to use them. 

Sweet.

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I’m still upset over yesterday.

I am going to kill someone

or the story in which my roommate thinks fruit flies are bed bugs, tells the apartment office and I get a text stating, Someone has been in our apartment.

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I find myself editing myself to fit the predescribed notion another person has

imtiredoffuckingtocoldplay:

skysugar:

and that’s fucking bullshit. I need to stop trying to please everyone and just be me. Especially when it comes to this tumblr. 

i agree

unless that predescribed notion is from me. 
then no

change, so i won’t hate you 

It’s not about you. It’s never about you. I think our biggest fallout/issue is that I keep running to you and wishing you’d be my fairy godmother and fix everything besides my damn shoes. Which you can’t and thus you usually knock me on my ass, tell me to act like an adult and deal with it.

I’m just as a point where I’m realizing that I’m changing, moving on and no matter how hard people are going to dig their heels in and demand it not happen, it’s going to happen. I’m moving to Europe within a year for fuck’s sake. I’m just looking back at things and I’m just like, ‘Ashley, what in the hell are you doing.’

I find myself editing myself to fit the predescribed notion another person has

and that’s fucking bullshit. I need to stop trying to please everyone and just be me. Especially when it comes to this tumblr. 

The day before I stayed up 21 hours, crashed for 3, woke up. Stayed up all day, slept for 2.5 hours, stayed up past midnight

Today I essentially woke up with a hangover. I was dehydrated. Took me four trips to my car to remember the reason I kept going out there. Upside is I got to learn a song from the neighbor kids.

Sit and wait
Sit and wait
Sit and wait until the poop drops out

I wish someone would give me a definitive answer on this class

I’m trying to get into Costume Design for Theatre and the instructor, my advisor and the department head keep forwarding it on to each other. Someone just tell me yes or no at this point.

I can’t.

I’ve reached my limit of fuckery for the week. I can’t go on .

I’m editing/critiquing a paper in my intro to fiction class and I can’t do it anymore. This story is a pretentious mashup of The Outsiders, The Warriors, a C-movie version of Training Day with a dash of Hook.

There is a sequence. About the mystical ghetto filled with children, but specifically described black children. That are apart of a gang in which the leader is white and he’s attempting to take his potential girlfriend, friend out to dinner. Instead they’re sidetracked (or rather surrounded) by this mystical ghetto of amazing.  It’s so exploitative and cliche and stereotypical, I can’t with it anymore. The way its described, the writer is saying these kids are crossfaded as fuck and the eldest is ~at the most~ 14, doing a ‘seizure dance’ and how everything is ~exotic~ and ~unreal~ and can’t even do words anymore. I’m just done. There are people stomping their feet in a circle chanting, there’s a band with a fucking moshpit area. There are pitbulls and 40s everywhere. I just. what in the fuck is this.

#thestruggle

I was totally into critiquing and going over people’s fiction submissions for my class until I realized the paper I’m currently critiquing has the same plot as my own submission. 

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That moment you get an email from your teacher saying she’s cancelling your midterm.

Then you see the second part of the email where she says that 25% of your grade is going to be tacked on to the two finals you have in the class so the final is now worth 80% of your grade.